$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
