quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
