Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
