We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
