Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
