My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
