I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
