Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
