Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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