Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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