Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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