Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
