I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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