You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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