There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
