What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
