i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
