so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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