after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
