yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are two peas in an std pod
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
