If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
