She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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