dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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