im about as happy as oj after his trial
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In other news, I just burned my penis
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
