At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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