Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
