If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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