dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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