I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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