just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
