she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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