We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
