best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
