I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
