Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
