Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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