OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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