shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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