I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
