Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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