he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
