I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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