this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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