I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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