Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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