hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
