Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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