someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
