Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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