Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
