I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
