mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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