But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Houston, we have a blender
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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