found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
